Saturday · October 3 “Your presence is enough. It always was.”
Learning How To Be Confident On Most Days
Learning How To Be Confident On Most Days
Have you ever felt out of place, shy or uncomfortable? We have all been there, even the most confident person in the room has had a day when they felt shy. It's completely natural to feel shy, no one is 100% confident all the time. However, when your shyness becomes debilitating it starts to become an issue.
One of the factors which attributes to confidence is feeling comfortable in your own skin. There was a point in my life where I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and because of that my self-confidence was suffering. I took some steps to change the way I viewed myself and now I find myself in fewer situations where I feel shy. If you are trying to build your confidence, here are a few steps you could take.
The first step is creating good habits for yourself. Think about what makes you feel good and fulfilled? Is it going to the gym? Is it eating clean? Is it looking after your nieces and nephews? I can’t tell you what habits to create because only you know what truly makes you feel like a better person. It is easy to feel like you need to start investing or going to the gym to feel good because that’s what everyone tells you! And although I can not deny the benefits of those things it’s not something which works for everyone.
The next step is recognising your worth. Declaring words of affirmation didn’t help me but more so surrounding myself with the right people did. I’ve heard the phrase “stop looking to people for validation” but I think this phrase is unrealistic. As humans we naturally look to each other for validation however this is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it takes someone else seeing the good in you before you start seeing the good in yourself.
The third step is learning and understanding your boundaries. When do you start to feel uncomfortable in a situation? Identifying your triggers will help you be able to address them. We all have different boundaries, and it is important to remember that there is nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable in a situation where everyone else seems to be fine. Do not be afraid to speak up or remove yourself from a situation when you are feeling uncomfortable. Forcing yourself to be in stressful situations can do a lot of damage to your self-confidence.
The final step is being kind and patient to yourself. Remember being able to feel comfortable in your own skin is a journey, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel good about yourself. Even the most confident people have their days. I’m still learning.
Article written by Debi Ajulo
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Questions
Does this mean the rest of the flat has to be perfect too?
No. That is the point of choosing one surface rather than the whole room. It works precisely because it does not ask anything of the rest of the space.
What if something has to sit there temporarily?
Then it sits there today, and it is gone by tomorrow. The surface is a decision you keep making, not a rule you are never allowed to break.
Does it have to be a table by the door?
No. Any surface at the edge of arrival will do — a shelf, a bench, the end of a counter. What it needs is proximity to the door, and freedom from every other duty in the flat.
How long before it feels automatic?
For her, four days to stop reaching, and closer to three weeks before her hand went there without thinking about it. Most women who try this land somewhere in that range.
One letter, most Sundays.
Written to one woman rather than a list. No offers dressed as observations, and nothing sent because it is a Tuesday.